Not a whole lot to say here. Spotted that 99% of “being tired” and “can’t go on” is rooted in deciding that I’m too tired and that I ought to simply quit, give up. More precisely. That at some point in the past I made these choices which now stick and react in the present.
How much of “growing old” is just accumulated decisions? I don’t know. But it plays a part, it plays a part.
The question was raised in my mind, “what is my true gift?” Giving in fullness one’s true gift to the world, penetrating the world with one’s true gift; at once a challenge to perform as well as a challenge to comprehend.
This was a bafflement at first, I struggled with grasping what in the world my gift could possibly be? After all, I’m not wealthy, famous or powerful. Not by worldly standards. But then I thought of the last few days, the help I’ve given, the fellowship with my friends, the changes I’ve been able to help others bring about in their lives. The last thirty-four years have been spent building my power to share my gift. The gift of spiritual freedom, the gift of stepping onto a path of enlightenment.
So I think I’ve got it nailed down, at least it seems that way for now.
the Brightfametexan, your faithful chronicler
Wasn’t feeling all that super-hot the last couple of days. Black clouds have inched in, I’ve been feeling a bit condensed.
I missed working out yesterday, just flat got reasonable with myself and laid about. The workout before that I’d skimped on. Shaved a bit off the edges, didn’t push on through.
So this afternoon was my OK Corral with this shilly-shallying. And as I began, as I pushed ahead, it became apparent that the barriers were mine. By that I mean I allowed them to be there. “I’m tired” “I haven’t got it”. Wisps of blackness, tendrils of smoke wafting in to solidify as STOP.
But in the final analysis it’s only there when I permit it to be. Which tells me a bit about who agreed to it in the first place.
Alright. I made my target, I pushed on through, no shaved edges. And I’m a bit sparklier for it.